


i need 'i love you'

by pixieclaire



Category: the GazettE
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-25
Updated: 2013-02-25
Packaged: 2017-12-03 13:39:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/698854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixieclaire/pseuds/pixieclaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yay for outlining stories beforehand! it makes them so much more coherent and detailed! xD</p>
<p>This was actually really fun to write. It involved actual research, such as on mental disorders and drugs and fun things like that, haha<br/>I hope those bits are convincing enough >.></p>
<p>Although, I do kind of feel like at the beginning it moves too fast. Does it need more plot development there, or....? Is it fine the way it is...? </p>
<p>and um... sorry for stupid name ^^" I couldn't think of anything and somehow an adaption of that lyric in Pledge - I don't need "I love you" anymore - seemed to fit...</p>
<p>I hope I got the italics and everything to work! since I've never used this site before, I wasn't sure about it ^^;</p>
<p>ps, I obviously don't own Avengers xD</p></blockquote>





	i need 'i love you'

The flyers were up all over school. The ones advertising the band competition – the winner would get their song played on the radio, plus a substantial cash prize. 

Reita had barely seen them himself before Kai came dashing up to him, all wide, bright eyes and dimply smile. “Rei, look!” he cried, waving a flyer excitedly.

“I saw,” Reita nodded. “I guess we're entering?”

“I want to, and you _know_ Aoi will want to as well. Imagine if we won!”

“Yeah, don't go counting your chickens before they're hatched,” Aoi said, walking up behind Kai and taking the flyer calmly from his hand. “Remember, Mikoto is bound to join, too – and you know how insanely good their guitarist is.”

Kai's spirits seemed only seemed slightly dampened. “We're good too!” he said defensively.

“I never said we weren't, it's just that their guitarist is fantastic.”

“He has a point,” Reita put in. Mikoto was their rival band, and their sixteen-year-old guitarist, Uruha, was incredibly talented. 

“I still think we can win this thing,” Kai said stubbornly.

“Well, if we practice. I think Aoi's a better vocalist than Ruki, anyway.”

A slight flush colored Aoi's usually snow-white cheeks. “Thanks, Rei.”

 

“We're totally entering this thing,” Yune announced, dropping the flyer on the table in the music room. 

Ruki snatched up the paper and read it greedily. “Oh my God! Really? This is awesome! Uruha, look at this!” he cried, showing the flyer to their honey-blonde, hazel-eyed guitarist.

Uruha read it over silently, then nodded. “Cool,” he murmured, and went back to tuning his guitar.

“You could show a _little_ more excitement,” Yune said, but Ruki shushed him.

“You know what he's like, Yune. Even if he's not excited for it, we can win anyway. He's the best guitarist in the whole Kanagawa area,” Ruki said proudly. “There's no way Ma'die Kusse stands a chance!”

Yune shrugged, knowing it was true. Uruha had basically taught himself guitar, and was now better than anyone else they knew.

“We can win, can't we, Uruha?” Ruki said to the guitarist, sitting down beside him. 

Uruha shied away only slightly at how close Ruki was, and murmured, “It's two days before my birthday.”

“What?” Ruki looked again at the flyer – the date of the competition was June 7th. “Oh yeah, it is. If we won, that'd be an awesome birthday present for you, I guess.”

Uruha nodded and lowered his head, and the other two could tell he was done interacting with them. He was never very social, due to the fact that he was schizophrenic. They weren't sure of everything the disorder did to him, but he didn't like to speak, and when he did, it was often weird, disconnected sentences and thoughts. Talking to Uruha was almost always an unsettling experience, but he was a brilliant guitarist, which in their book made up for it. They also suspected – or, Ruki did, anyway; he didn't know what Yune thought about this – that Uruha didn't really have any friends, outside of them. He was shy, never involved in sports or anything like that if he could possibly help it, and seemed to want to stay away from people. Mikoto was lucky to have him as a guitarist at all.

He was such a fantastic player, too. With him in their band, Ruki thought happily, it was practically impossible for them to lose to Ma'die Kusse.

 

They were in Yune's basement, practicing. Smoke from the two cigarettes in the room wafted through the air, making Uruha cough slightly, but for the most part he ignored it. He knew it was better to ignore most things his bandmates did, outside of making music. 

Like this, he thought, as Yune again picked up the plastic bag with the white powder in it. Uruha turned away slightly to show he wasn't interested, but Yune offered it to him anyway. 

“Wouldn't you like some, Ruha?” he slurred in the blonde's ear. “S'nice, you'll like it..”

“No, thank you,” Uruha murmured, pushing Yune away. Sometimes it was a tempting proposition, he had to admit, but he was determined never to try any. Even though Ruki and Yune always seemed so untroubled afterwards; maybe it would affect Uruha in the same way and he wouldn't see those – no. No, no, no. 

“Leave him alone, Yune,” Ruki sighed, though he too had been taking from the white powdery substance at regular intervals for a while now. “He doesn't want to. Just leave him alone.”

“Don't know what you're missing out on,” Yune said teasingly, but dropped the bag on the table and picked up his drumsticks again. 

 

Practicing, whereas before it had only been a fraction of the day, suddenly took up almost all of Reita's free time. Aoi insisted that they all stay after school, in the music room, perfecting their songs, and Reita continued practicing at home. His life turned into eating, sleeping, school, and bass, with nothing more, nothing less. 

Still, he doubted it would be any different if he made it to a major-label band someday. 

On this Wednesday, however, Aoi had a family thing going on and Kai had a dentist appointment, so Reita ended up practicing by himself. He stayed in the music room, writing a song, until long after the few other people there had left, without even noticing the time. It was a great song, he thought, with a strong bass line that he really enjoyed playing. 

Someone else walked into the room, silently, and he still didn't look up. When he finished going over the song again, however, and the newcomer still hadn't said anything, Reita raised his head. “Yeah....?”

It was the guitarist of their rival band, sitting on the table and watching Reita play without saying a word. His name was Uruha, right....? Reita struggled to remember, having never been involved with the boy. He'd heard some rumors about mental problems, however – and from this close, he could see that all the girls had an excuse to whisper excitedly whenever he walked by. Uruha had shoulder-length, honey-blonde hair, wide hazel eyes, and snow-white skin, and he was very pretty, Reita had to admit. And Reita never admitted to boys being pretty.

“Hi,” he murmured, studying the boy. 

Uruha lowered his eyes shyly. “Hi,” he said, in practically a whisper. 

“.....Did you want something.....?”

“You're very good at playing.” Uruha's voice was still whisper-soft.

“Um....” Reita flushed a little. “Thanks.”

“Your name is Reita, isn't it?”

“Yes. You're Uruha, aren't you?”

Uruha nodded. 

“Is Mikoto entering the contest?”

“Ruki is very confident that we'll win.”

“To be honest with you... I think you'll win too.”

“Weren't you being honest before?”

Reita was nonplussed. “What...? Oh, yes, but it's just an expression.”

A tiny smile curved Uruha's full lips. “In that case, thank you.”

There was a slight pause.

Reita cleared his throat. “So, are Ruki and Yune making you guys practice a lot?”

“Yes. It's two days before my birthday, you know.”

“What is...?”

“The contest.”

“Oh. Cool, mine is the 27th of this month.”

“Seventeen.”

“...Is that how old you'll be?”

Uruha nodded.

“Me too.”

Uruha's eyes fixed on a point somewhere to Reita's right, and the bassist turned after a moment to see what Uruha was looking at so intently. Nothing was there. “....What is it?”

For a moment, Uruha did not move or say anything, then suddenly seemed to unfreeze. “Nothing.”

_That was odd,_ Reita found himself thinking, and then, _What part of this conversation hasn't been?_

“I have to go,” Uruha said suddenly, standing up. “See you later.”

He was gone almost before Reita had time to say goodbye.

 

The next day at lunch, Uruha seemed to materialize in the seat beside Reita, who jumped slightly when he noticed him. It was really amazing, how silently this boy could move. “...Hi.”

“Hi,” Uruha murmured.

Ruki and Yune were across the cafeteria, glaring at Uruha and whispering to each other, and Reita could see Aoi and Kai from the corner of his eye, looking questioningly at him. “...What are you doing here? Don't you usually sit with Yune and Ruki?”

“I wanted to sit beside you.”

Reita felt oddly flattered. “Thanks, I guess.”

“Is that okay?”

“Of course, yeah, go ahead.”

Uruha smiled at him a little. “Ruki and Yune aren't _really_ my friends.”

“...They aren't?”

“No. We're just in a band together.”

“How can you be in a band with someone without being friends?”

Uruha shrugged. 

“...Do you dislike them?”

“No.” Uruha paused for a moment, then asked, “Are you really friends with Aoi and Kai?”

“Well, yes. We aren't _best_ friends, but I know them pretty well and we get along.” Reita noticed that Uruha was hardly eating, but instead just picking at his food. “...Aren't you hungry?”

“Not really.”

“...Are you ever?” Reita asked, half-jokingly. Uruha was one of the thinnest people he had ever seen.

“No...” Uruha froze suddenly, his eyes unfocusing, and stared blankly across the cafeteria for several seconds. His body tensed and he went pale, and then just as suddenly relaxed and smiled at Reita.

“...Are you okay?” Rei asked, alarmed.

“Yes, of course. I see those all the time and they haven't hurt me yet.”

“See what?” 

“Those things,” Uruha said vaguely, taking a bite of his rice. “They talk to me sometimes.”

“...What things? What do they say?”

“Eh, just stuff.” Uruha waved a hand unconcernedly. “It's not important...” He was still pale, however, which worried Reita. “I'm not hungry,” the blonde murmured, pushing his tray away from him. 

“Are you okay?” Rei asked softly.

Uruha looked up, hazel eyes wide. “No one's asked me that so sincerely before.”

“...They haven't?”

“No. I'm glad you care about me, Rei,” Uruha said, wrapped his arms briefly about Rei's throat, and then, picking up his tray, was gone in a matter of seconds. 

Rei was silent, looking after the slender form as it hurried across the cafeteria. The boy was odd, that was for sure, but also... endearing. Rei couldn't help but be attracted to him.

As soon as Uruha was gone, however, Aoi and Kai hurried over and took his place beside Rei. “What were you doing with him?” Aoi demanded. 

“Yeah,” Kai chimed in, “don't you know he's the enemy?”

“The enemy?” Reita raised his eyebrows. “Guys, it's just a stupid contest.” _Okay, if their guitarist was anyone but Uruha, I'd be as serious about this as they are._

“But if _they_ win, we don't get our song aired on the radio!” Aoi cried. “Don't fraternize with the enemy, okay?”

“Fine, whatever,” Reita said absently, finishing up his rice and standing up with his tray.

“So you won't talk to him again?”

“Okay, okay, I won't.” 

_Pft,_ he thought, _like_ that _would happen._

 

Uruha ever so cautiously turned off his bedroom light, biting his lip so as not to cry out if anything appeared in the dark. Thankfully, nothing did, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Sometimes there were things that only showed themselves with the lights off – they were even worse than what he saw during the day. 

He still didn't want to go to sleep, however, because he _knew_ he'd have nightmares... they came every night, without fail. 

_Maybe if Reita was here they wouldn't,_ he thought abruptly. The things he saw during the day were less scary when Reita was nearby, so maybe his dreams would be too. 

_Of course, I can't just go over to his house and say, 'Hey, can I sleep with you tonight?'_

Unfortunately....

 

After school, Reita took Uruha to his favorite ice cream parlor to treat him to a sundae. 

“So....” he began after a few minutes of ice-cream-eating silence. “What's... what's your ambition?”

“I really want, more than anything, to win the contest at school, because I would love to be a professional musician. Maybe I could get signed if we win.”

“I bet you could,” Reita murmured, thinking, _This is why Aoi and Kai didn't want me to talk to him... Now that I'm learning more about him, how am I supposed to want to kick his butt in a competition?_ “I want to win as well; Aoi wants Ma'die Kusse to be the biggest band in the country.”

Uruha changed the subject rather abruptly, saying, “This is really lovely ice cream, Rei, thank you.”

“No problem...” 

 

They kept seeing each other in secret, so that neither of their bands would find out. Reita knew Aoi would kill him if he knew, and though he didn't know much about Yune or Ruki, he suspected they wouldn't be happy either. 

Uruha was just glad to have a chance to stay away from the rest of Mikoto more often. Sometimes they were okay to be around, but they still had that bag filled with white powder, and sometimes when Yune had been drinking he wasn't very nice. Uruha knew Reita wouldn't like it if _he_ started doing these things, though, so he really made an effort to ignore his bandmates. 

They ended up at Uruha's house one afternoon, for the first time. Before, they had only ever met each other after school in the music room, or at that ice cream parlor. 

“My parents aren't home,” Uruha murmured to Rei. “They never are. I told my dad about you, though.”

“....What did you say about me?”

“That you were really nice and I like you. Dad didn't really care. And I didn't tell my mum.”

“Why not her?”

“She doesn't live here anymore – here's my room,” Uruha said, leading Reita into a little room crammed with things. 

Even though it was cramped, it was a great room, Reita thought. The walls were covered with posters of bands like X Japan and Luna Sea, there were a couple of guitars, a sketchpad laying on Uruha's unmade bed, and a collection of anime figurines on the dresser. 

“Wow.. this is cool,” Reita said, surveying the room. 

“Thanks. Sorry there's no chairs.”

“It's okay. You have an electric bass?” Reita touched the pretty instrument almost longingly – he didn't have a bass of his own yet, and usually used the one at school.

“You can play it if you want.”

“Thanks...” Reita gently lifted the bass from the stand and seated himself on the edge of Uruha's bed. 

He stayed for several hours, completely losing track of time. Uruha was smiling and laughing and seemed the most 'normal' Reita had ever seen him, apparently without seeing any of... whatever it was he saw, even once. 

Reita finally glanced over at the clock, however, and saw what time it was. “I'd better go,” he said suddenly. “It's getting late – sorry.”

“No, stay here!” Uruha's voice suddenly sounded afraid. “Please don't leave...!”

“Why not...?”

“Because I'll have nightmares if you aren't here,” Uruha whispered; Reita realized his eyes were glistening with tears. “I have nightmares every single night, but since I don't see anything during the day when I'm with you, I thought it would be the same if I could sleep with you.”

“What do you have nightmares about?” Reita asked, before he could stop himself. 

Uruha lowered his head, letting his blonde hair cover his eyes. “When my mum died. And there are monsters there, trying to kill me as well, and I can't escape. Last night I dreamed they killed you.”

“Ruha...” Reita leaned across the bed and wrapped his arms around Uruha. The boy was trembling, he realized. “It's okay, I'll stay here if you think it will help.”

“You will...?”

“Of course.”

“I don't wanna wake up in the morning and you aren't here. I dreamed about that too.”

“No, I'll stay here, and it will be okay, I promise.” 

“That's what my mum said.”

“Uruha...”

“She said that it would be okay and she'd keep me safe, but then these guys killed her and I couldn't help, and Dad doesn't care about me, and.... and...” Uruha's voice trailed off and he hid his face in Reita's chest, fingers clutching onto his shirt tightly.

“It's okay...” Reita tried to soothe him, unsure of what to say. “I promise I'll never leave.”

“No one but Mum ever said that. And she's not here anymore....”

“I'm sure she would have kept her promise if she could. I'll stay here with you tonight, okay...?”

“Thank you...” Uruha still clung to Reita's chest, however, shaking slightly. 

“I won't leave,” Rei murmured again, soothingly, running his hand up and down Uruha's back. “I won't, I promise.....”

Uruha gradually calmed down enough to loosen his grip on Rei a little, though he still wouldn't let go. Rei just held him gently, took in the scent of his lovely, soft, honey-colored hair. He smelled like cherry blossoms. _....What are we supposed to do now? I mean, we're.... I can't knowingly try to compete against him anymore. He wants so badly for Mikoto to win this contest...._

After a while, Uruha's fingers relaxed and his breathing slowed. Rei slowly eased the boy off his own body and tried to lay him down on the bed, but Uruha's eyes fluttered open as Rei's warmth left him. “Rei-chan,” he whispered, “don't go away...”

“I'm not,” Reita promised, letting Uruha pull him down to lie beside him. The thinner boy nestled close, his arms twining around Rei's waist, and he closed his eyes again. 

Rei thought he had fallen asleep once more when Uruha whispered, “Rei-chan....”

_That's the second time he's called me that...._ “Yeah?”

“...Do you like me?”

“Of course I like you; otherwise I wouldn't be here with you,” Rei murmured, hoping desperately that Uruha didn't mean the 'other' kind of like. 

“I mean...” Uruha opened his eyes and gazed brightly at Rei. “I mean.... do you _love_ me?”

Rei hesitated. “Uruha....” The look in those hazel eyes was sweet, and pleading, and sad, and.... lonely. 

_Don't say it._

“Yes, of course,” he whispered, running a finger over Uruha's cheek. “Of course I do, Uruha. I love you.”

Uruha smiled; for a moment it looked like his eyes were shining with tears, but he blinked and they were gone. “I love you too.” His smile widened a little and he hid his face in Rei's chest. “I haven't said or heard that for so long.”

“You can say _and_ hear it all the time,” Rei told him, ever so softly kissing his golden hair. “Okay, Ruwa-chan?”

“Can I sleep with you every night? You make me feel safe.”

Rei blushed slightly. “I don't know about every night...”

“Please...?”

“I'll try,” Rei said, giving in to Uruha's sweet patheticness. The boy was so lonely, and so deprived, Rei couldn't help but do anything he asked. 

“Thank you,” Uruha whispered, already falling back asleep with his face buried in Rei's shirt. “Good night, Rei-chan....”

“Good night....”

 

Uruha woke up in the morning still curled next to Rei. It was warm and comfortable, with Rei's arm around him. He smiled at the sleeping face that looked so sweet, and just lay still, listening to Rei's breathing. The soft, gentle sound made him feel safe; something he hadn't really felt for a long time. Even around Ruki and Yune he didn't feel this safe, them and their drinking and their drugs...

The thought of his bandmates made Uruha slightly nervous. What would they say if they found out about him and Reita...? _It doesn't matter, because Rei-chan loves you._

_But.... they could kick me out of the band....._

Rei moved a little and opened his eyes, smiling sleepily at Uruha. “See, promised I wouldn't leave,” he murmured, touching Uruha's cheek. He glanced over at the clock, however, and sat up abruptly. “Ruwa, come on, we have to get to school!” he exclaimed, practically dragging the thinner one out of bed. “Shit, I don't have clean clothes-”

“You can borrow one of my uniforms,” Uruha offered, rummaging around in a drawer and producing two of the school's outfits – plaid pants and button-down shirts with ties. “It should fit, right?”

“Probably,” Rei agreed, stripping off his T-shirt from the day before to pull on the one Uruha was offering him. He tried not to stare overly much as Uruha took off his own shirt – even though he was incredibly thin, his body was really beautiful, Rei thought. Slim and snow-white, he looked a bit stylish, and very attractive. 

“Just a sec, let me wash my face,” Uruha said, rushing out of the room and interrupting Rei's ogling him. “You can have the bathroom in a minute!”

They arrived at school late, and came panting into the classroom ten full minutes after class had started. Rei tried not to look at Aoi as he sat down beside his bandmate, but he could feel the guitarist's blue-eyed stare piercing into him all the way through class.

As soon as the bell rang, Aoi grabbed Rei's sleeve to stop him dashing off. “Why the hell did you and Uruha come in here together?”

Rei didn't answer, but was trying to see over everyone else's heads to see how upset Yune was with Uruha.

“Well, why did you?” Aoi asked again, refusing to let go of Rei's arm. 

“I slept at his house last night,” Rei sighed. “Okay? And we overslept this morning and had to rush over right away.”

Aoi stared at him. “Why would you sleep over at his house!?”

“Because we're friends.”

“Reita!” Aoi practically yelled, making the teacher glare at them. Aoi lowered his voice, but only slightly. “How are you going to compete against him if you're so close you're fucking him!?”

“I never said that!” Rei cried indignantly, cheeks bright red. “I said I slept over at his house, not that I slept _with_ him! There's a difference!” He wouldn't even be able to sleep with Uruha; he'd be too afraid of hurting him. Physically, or mentally, or both.

“Yeah, _sure_ there is,” Aoi scoffed. “The point is, I _told_ you not to get close to him, and now look at you!” 

“Well, I'm sorry for wanting to be nice to someone who's hardly been loved in his life.” Reita turned on his heel and practically stalked away.

Uruha was across the room, looking very downcast as Yune scolded him. Rei took his hand, snapped at Yune, “Leave him alone already,” and pulled Uruha out into the corridor. “It's okay,” he murmured to Uruha, whose eyes glistened. “I won't leave you.”

Silently, Uruha wrapped his arms around Reita and held him tightly. 

The bell rang and Uruha, after kissing Reita briefly on the cheek, ran down the hallway to his next class. 

At lunch Reita found Uruha in the crowded cafeteria and hurried to sit beside him before Ruki or Yune could. “....Are you okay?” he asked after a few minutes, since Uruha didn't say anything and kept his head lowered.

Uruha nodded, looking up at Reita from under his eyelashes. “I didn't have any nightmares last night,” he whispered, “thank you.”

 

“So... I guess I'll see you in a couple of weeks,” Rei murmured to Uruha, who was clinging to his hand.

“No, don't go, please.”

“I don't want to, but I have to attend Grandmother's funeral,” Rei said softly, stroking Uruha's hair. He hadn't even known his grandmother, but she had died just a few days ago, and his whole family was traveling across Japan for her funeral. It was a lovely birthday present for Rei, really. Hopefully Uruha's would be better. “Sorry...”

“I'll have nightmares without you here...” Uruha was trembling slightly; and his eyes unfocused a bit as his fingers clenched around Rei's.

“Hey, Ruwa-chan... it will be okay, it's just a week and a half that we'll be away, all right? And then I promise I'll come back and I won't leave you alone again, okay?”

Uruha nodded a little, though his eyes were brimming with tears. “Okay... I'll miss you,” he whimpered suddenly, putting his arms about Rei's throat and keeping them there for several seconds. 

“I'll miss you, too....” Rei touched Uruha's cheek, and Uruha caught his hand and held it close to his lips. 

“You won't be back until that contest.”

“Oh... no, I won't, will I? Well... I'll see you right beforehand, then, because we get back in the afternoon. Okay?”

“Okay...” Uruha suddenly pressed his lips against Reita's, then pulled away, smiling sadly. “Love you...”

“I love you, too...”

 

It was really lonely without Reita around. Even though they'd only known each other for a few weeks, Uruha already could barely remember what it had been like without Rei.

Of course, now he was finding out again. When Rei was around, he saw far fewer of these.... these _demons_ that always appeared in front of him in the daytime, and he never had nightmares if Rei was beside him. 

Now all the monsters were back, even worse than he remembered them. Uruha could barely pay attention in class, there were so many things distracting him; his train of thought grew more and more disorganized the longer he spent away from Rei; and he could hardly sleep, thanks to his nightmares. 

Luckily, he could still play guitar fairly well, so he tried to practice as much as possible. It seemed to distract him, at least a little. Ruki and Yune didn't seem to notice anything wrong, not during practice. 

In the hopes it would be at least slightly similar – it never was, though – to Rei staying over, Uruha tried to spend as many nights as possible with either Ruki or Yune. He preferred Ruki, to be honest; the little curly-haired vocalist was gentler with Uruha than Yune was. Even when he was with someone else, however, Uruha's nightmares persisted, and grew worse every night. He woke up screaming on a regular basis now, having dreamed that Reita was killed by the monsters in his head. No amount of comforting from either Ruki or Yune would help to calm him down. 

So when Rei had been gone for seven days, and would be back in only four – the four longest days of Uruha's life, it seemed they would be – he couldn't help it.

Yune once again offered him that little plastic bag filled with the powdery white stuff. Ruki once again told him to knock it off, but before he could even finish his sentence, Uruha had accepted Yune's offer. 

If he'd been thinking clearly later on, he would have realized that it was the worst mistake of his life.

 

Reita smiled when he saw Uruha. The guitarist was across the room, tuning his guitar in preparation for the show, which started in about five minutes, and didn't notice that Rei had come in. Ruki and Yune saw him, but they only glared at him without saying anything. Uruha noticed only when he heard Kai say, “Rei, you're back!”

“Reita-” Uruha drew in his breath sharply and was flying across the room before either of Rei's bandmates could move. “Rei, I missed you, I had nightmares every night, and I'm so glad you're back...!”

“I'm glad to see you too,” Rei murmured into Uruha's hair, holding him tightly and noticing that he was even thinner than he had been before. “Sorry I had to leave...”

“It's okay...” Uruha was suddenly very still, and whispered in Rei's ear, “You know, he's been following me all day.”

“Um.... okay? Who has....?”

“Him,” Uruha hissed, making a brief gesture with his hand. Rei looked where he was pointing; no one was there.

_Okay then. It's probably just because he was so nervous when I was gone. You saw what he was like when he was trying to get me to stay. That's definitely it._

“Oh,” Rei laughed a little. “Him. That's okay, he'll leave in a bit.”

“He scares me.” 

“It's okay, I won't let him hurt you, Ruwa-chan.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“'Kay.” Uruha slowly drew back from Rei's body and wrapped his arms around himself as if he were cold.

“Are you nervous to perform on stage?” Rei asked, trying to make conversation. Uruha was strangely quiet now. 

“No. Well, yes. Only about him, though. But it's okay because you said he wouldn't hurt me.” Uruha ran his tongue over his lips, an odd, seemingly anxious motion for him. 

“...Are you feeling okay, baby?”

“Uh-huh, perfectly okay, yeah.” Uruha nodded several times, then was silent and still again. 

“...If you say so...” _You're not acting normally._ Rei glanced over at Yune and Ruki, who were whispering something to each other. “What's wrong with him?” he hissed at them. “What did you do to him?”

“Nothing, he did it himself,” Yune said.

“ _What did he do?_ ” 

At Rei's hissing tone of voice, Yune just stared at him, but Ruki lowered his head and whispered, “He's on drugs, Reita.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Sorry.”

“Why the fuck would you – why would you _let_ him!?” Rei demanded loudly. “What is _wrong_ with you?”

“Did I do something wrong?” Uruha whimpered, and Rei glanced at him to see his eyes full of tears. 

“Baby.... I don't know.” _Was it his fault or not?_ “I'm not mad at you though, promise.” Rei turned his attention back to Yune, who was attempting to stare him down. 

“I didn't do anything, he took it on his own.”

“You offered it to him, like you have been for the past year!” Ruki hissed at him, smacking Yune on the arm. 

“And he accepted,” Yune shrugged.

“ _Why would you even offer!?_ ” Rei cried, raising a fist. “Sick _bastard,_ he probably wasn't in any state to refuse anything!”

“Hey, you guys are on!” a girl chirped, poking her head backstage Her smile faded a little when she saw Rei about to hit Yune, and she said uncertainly, “Mikoto...? You're due on stage now.”

“Thank you,” Ruki smiled at her, and dragged Yune away from Reita. “Come on, Uruha.”

“I don't want to,” Uruha suddenly shook his head, backing away.

“You'll have fun,” Reita murmured in his ear. “Go out and win, okay, baby?” He gave Uruha a gentle push toward the curtain, smiling at him.

Uruha uncertainly followed Ruki and Yune out onto the stage.

Trying to calm himself a little, Rei stood at the edge of the stage to watch their performance. They stepped out normally, smiling, picked up their instruments, and began to play. The song was going perfectly, with Uruha completely intent upon his playing, until he looked up at the audience. 

His eyes went straight to the far wall and fixed there; he stopped playing abruptly. 

_Come on, baby, it's just your imagination, it's fine...._

A shudder so strong Rei could see it perfectly from where he stood ran through Uruha's body as he slipped his guitar strap from his shoulder. “No, no, I can't,” he whispered, dropped the guitar, and ran offstage.

Rei caught his arms as he tried to run by. “Uruha, what's wrong?” He held tightly to Uruha's wrists, feeling them tremble violently beneath his fingers, and pulled the boy closer. “It's okay, calm down-”

“No, it's not okay,” Uruha gasped, sounding frantic, tore his arms away from Rei's grip, and ran out of the room. 

Ruki and Yune dashed in, and without a moment's hesitation, Rei hit Yune in the face. 

Yune stumbled back a few paces, then looked up at Rei with his eyes wide. “What was that for?”

“You know perfectly well what that was for,” Rei hissed at him, and went after Uruha. 

After a moment, he could hear both Yune and Ruki running after him, but he didn't want them to reach Uruha first. He knew Yune would only yell at the poor guitarist, and make him more upset than he was already. 

“Uruha!” Rei shouted, pausing at the intersection of two hallways. There was no sign of Uruha. _Where would he have gone?_

There was a noise from the right, and Rei took off down the corridor. “Uruha, where are you?” He turned another corner and there was Uruha, only a few feet away, leaning against a locker and breathing hard. 

He looked over at Rei with fear in his wide eyes, and shied away slightly as Rei came nearer. “Uruha,” Reita breathed, stretching out one hand cautiously. “It's okay, it's only me...”

Uruha suddenly flung himself at Rei, burying his face in his shoulder and crying. “Rei-chan,” he sobbed, holding Rei so tightly he was practically choking him. “Rei-chan, please keep me safe, please don't let him hurt me...”

“Of course not, love, of course not,” Rei murmured, stroking Uruha's hair, and whipped around as he heard Yune and Ruki behind him. “Get away from him,” he hissed. 

“ _You_ get away from him; he's _our_ guitarist,” Yune snapped. 

“It's _your_ fault he's on drugs now, stay _away_ from him. Let him out of the band.”

“No!” Ruki objected. “He's the best guitarist around, where would we find someone else like him?”

“You don't deserve someone like him; you're just ruining his life! You-” 

Yune punched Rei as hard as he could; Uruha started forward with a cry, and Yune easily pushed him back against a locker. “You don't say things like that,” he hissed at Rei, who had one hand at his bleeding nose. “He's our guitarist, we've known him for longer, and you will leave us the fuck alone.”

Rei hit Yune in the side of the head, then kicked him in the stomach. As Yune fell back, gasping for breath, Rei turned to Ruki, who backed away, shaking his head. “You're right, Reita, I'm sorry,” he said, and ran to Yune's side to see if he was okay. 

“Uruha is no longer part of your band, so _you_ leave _us_ alone,” Rei hissed at Yune, took Uruha's hand, and pulled him away. They could hear footsteps approaching them now, and voices, but Rei didn't care. 

“We'll go home, okay?” he murmured to Uruha, leading him down the hallway. “You don't have to see them again, sweetie.”

“'Kay, Rei-chan...”

 

“But you have to see a doctor, you have to get off these drugs,” Rei protested, and Uruha shook his head. 

“No, I don't like doctors, I don't want to.”

“Uruha-”

“No! I'll do it on my own, I don't have any more now, so I have no choice. But I won't go see a doctor.”

“Fine...” Rei pretended to give in, yet he was still plotting a scheme to get Uruha to a doctor. “Well, it's your birthday tomorrow, so... what do you want to do?” 

“I wanna go see a movie with you.”

“What movie?”

“...Can we see Avengers?”

“Sure,” Rei smiled; he'd been wanting to see this movie himself. “Of course we can go see Avengers.”

So the next evening, they arrived at the theater for the eight o'clock showing. Rei bought Uruha some candy and popcorn, and two and a half hours later, they were back outside. “That was a great movie,” Uruha said happily, hugging Rei. 

“Happy birthday, Uruha.”

“Thank you, Rei-chan, it was the best birthday ever,” Uruha smiled, then they both looked over sharply as a familiar figure came around the corner.

“Happy birthday, _Ruwa-chan,_ glad you had a good one,” Yune said with a sneer. 

“What do you want?” Rei practically snarled at him, as Uruha's hand crept into his own. 

“Just to wish Uruha a happy birthday, since he was the guitarist for my band, after all,” Yune shrugged. “That's not a crime, is it?”

“Well, you wished him a happy birthday, now go away.”

“Oh, but it was your birthday just a couple weeks ago, wasn't it?” Yune walked closer, and Rei pulled Uruha back. “I wanted to give you best wishes, too.” Before either of them could stop him, Yune had wrapped his arms around Rei. There were alcohol and drugs on his breath. 

Uruha screamed and Rei gasped as Yune stabbed him in the back. “There you go, now you can't go stealing my guitarists anymore,” Yune murmured, drawing the knife from Rei's back, dropping it on the ground, and taking a few steps back. “Happy birthday, Uruha,” he said mockingly, and disappeared into the night.

Uruha didn't wait to see him disappear, however; he was supporting Rei in his arms and asking him frantically, “Are you okay, Rei, Rei, please be okay, please...” 

Rei was gasping for breath as his scarlet blood rushed out over Uruha's hands. “Ruwa...”

“Rei-chan, it's okay, you have to be okay, please don't leave me alone,” Uruha pleaded, although he knew it wouldn't do any good. There was so much blood.... dripping in rivulets down Uruha's arms, pooling on the sidewalk. “Don't leave me alone...”

“Sorry, darling...”

“Save your breath for breathing, it will be okay...” Uruha was digging in his pocket for his phone to call an ambulance, but Rei stopped his hand. 

“Don't bother...”

“Rei-chan,” Uruha sobbed, clinging to him. “Please....”

“I love you...”

“Love you too,” Uruha whispered, and kissed him.

When he pulled away, Reita wasn't breathing. 

 

He could only ever last a week without Reita. Seven lonely days dragged by, and by the end of this time Uruha was practically out of his mind. The monsters and other things he saw were around him all the time now, and the nightmares never left him. Sometimes he dreamed about Rei... but the dream always ended with blood, and Uruha was left alone again. 

It was no use. Nobody would care if he was gone, just like Reita was gone. Ruki and Yune hadn't spoken to or checked up on him; and his father couldn't have cared less. Uruha was all alone.

_It wouldn't make a difference,_ Uruha thought, _if I died. I wish I would. Then at least I could see Rei again....._

It was this thought that made him set the knife to his own wrists and set his own blood flowing as Rei's had.

**Author's Note:**

> yay for outlining stories beforehand! it makes them so much more coherent and detailed! xD
> 
> This was actually really fun to write. It involved actual research, such as on mental disorders and drugs and fun things like that, haha  
> I hope those bits are convincing enough >.>
> 
> Although, I do kind of feel like at the beginning it moves too fast. Does it need more plot development there, or....? Is it fine the way it is...? 
> 
> and um... sorry for stupid name ^^" I couldn't think of anything and somehow an adaption of that lyric in Pledge - I don't need "I love you" anymore - seemed to fit...
> 
> I hope I got the italics and everything to work! since I've never used this site before, I wasn't sure about it ^^;
> 
> ps, I obviously don't own Avengers xD


End file.
